That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
