I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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