Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize