I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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