my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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