I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
