We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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