Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
