I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
