we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
