i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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