its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
