Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
