dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
