Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
