I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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