checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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