you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
