I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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