I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
