imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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