Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize