We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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