Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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