You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Pants are for mortals
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
