I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
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