there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
