Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize