stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
