He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
