i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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