If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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