??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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