i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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