I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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