she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
