i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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