When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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