You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
