And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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