At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
