I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
