I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
