I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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