the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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