Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
