We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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