He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
