Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
