Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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