one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
