somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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