i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
