We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
