So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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