You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
