Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
