google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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