in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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