omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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