He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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