Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
