Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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