Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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