Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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