New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
